


Wisteria

by badwitchtypeshit



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bending (Avatar), Codependency, Eyeliner, F/F, F/M, Family Bonding, Freeform, Gayness, M/M, Multi, Nail Polish, New hidden villages, One Big Happy Family, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Otogakure - Freeform, Plot? Hah!, Politics, Spirits, Tourism, Wanderlust, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24269962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badwitchtypeshit/pseuds/badwitchtypeshit
Summary: Displaced in a new world, all he really wants to do is sleep and get laid.Unfortunately, when you have Orochimaru as one of your parents, that's not an option. There isn't even a 'Go big or go home' option, there's no home to go to.
Comments: 56
Kudos: 184
Collections: A Collection of Beloved Inserts, My Self-insert's Library, Reincarnation and Transmigration





	1. Ayasegawa Fujiko

**Author's Note:**

> Orochimaru does not make an appearance yet. Not for quite a while.

He remembers collapsing right after the biggest performance of his life. People screaming. Heart rate slowing. Vision shot to hell.

That’s right. No strenuous activity meant no ballet. He’d always been too stubborn for his own good.

Somewhere, he can hear sirens. An ambulance, then. That’s nice.

He’s stuck in this awake-but-not-awake state for quite some time, until he’s suddenly floating. 

The eerie silence chips away bit by bit, until he starts to hear beeping. Slow and distant, before it starts to become infinitely annoying. At some point he realizes he isn’t floating anymore. He’s on a bed, hooked up to an IV.

Slowly, eyes flutter open. He inhales, amazed with the ease at which he’s breathing. No pain anywhere, not even a headache. He sits up, looking around. 

Typical hospital room. There’s a curtain to his left and a door to his right. Another patient then. He looks down at himself, puzzled. Same scrubs as always, but he’s... terrifyingly pale, really, like he hasn’t seen the sun in years. His limbs are also longer, and there’s a tattoo on the back of his right hand. A peacock.

"What the...”

He stops, alarmed. That’s not him speaking. It can’t be. As someone who lost his voice when he was about 8 years old, he’s very sure. Are there voice box implants now?

"Oh, you’re awake," the curtain says.

No, stupid. Not the curtain. The person on the other side of it.

"Uh... yes?" He tries, cautious.

"Good. Your mother sat there for a week straight, crying and crying like you were dead or something. I wished I was dead.”

“My what?" He breathes.

That’s... that can’t be. She left. Turned tail and ran after he lost his voice. Or, after, one of the shards of the broken beer bottle she’d thrown in his direction had embedded itself in his throat. Horrified, she’d called an ambulance and disappeared.

"Your mother. Or, maybe your auntie. I dunno."

I don’t have a mother, he doesn’t say, staring down at his hands.

"Oh..."

The man on the other side snorts. "You’ve been out of it for like a month. It’s okay to be confused."

A month. Four weeks. It should be mid-October now.

"And... how long have you been here? If you don’t mind me asking, that is."

"A week. Chakra exhaustion, among other things. I heard the nurses gossiping, that’s how I knew about you."

"What’s chakra exhaustion?" He’s very certain he’s never heard of it before, and with his crappy immune system, he’s had practically every disease under the sun.

"You don’t...? Oh, right. Civilian," the man grunts. "Chakra exhaustion happens when you burn out all your chakra. Depending on how large your reserves are, it could take anywhere between a week and a month to recover." He chuckles then. "Most shinobi escape on the second day, but I’d rather relax here for as long as possible."

He wants to know what on earth is going on. "I... see." He really doesn’t though. "Er... what’s your name?"

"Inuzuka Ryou."

He wonders if he was flown to Japan for treatment, and it suddenly occurs to him that he’s been speaking Japanese for the past few minutes. That... doesn’t make much sense. Nothing here really makes sense though.

"Yours is Fujiko something. Sorry, I wasn’t paying much attention, but the nurses said you might have amnesia."

What.

He almost wants to say his name is-

His name is-

He furrows his brows. He can’t remember his name. 

I’m 19 years old. I’m 6’2... I think. Blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair. I’m a dancer. I’ve been called a prodigy. I like baking and ice skating. I took a few online courses on computer engineering. I have a crush on my manager, Mr Davis. My name is-

Fuck.

Fujiko, then. Although how exactly that came to be his name, he’s not sure.

He throws his legs over the edge of the hospital bed, standing up slowly. His hand goes to hold the IV pole, and he takes a step, then another, and another. 

After the initial wobble, he feels... surprisingly fine.

"Um..." he racks his brain for what he knows of Japanese. "Ryuu-san?"

"Sure, come on over," the other male answers his unasked question.

He does so, stopping short at the foot of the other bed and sucking in a breath.

You just woke up. No crushes. Absolutely no crushes. And he’s injured so no sex. Plus he’s probably straight.

Ryou gives him a boyish grin. "Yes, yes, I’m attractive as hell.”

Okay, no. Not straight. Definitely fuckable.

"Attractive as hell doesn’t even begin to cover it," he mutters, taking in warm brown eyes and spiky black hair, gorgeously tan skin and two blue fang-like tattoos on his cheeks.

There are no bandages or bruises of any sort, but he knows you don't have to be physically hurt to be in a hospital.

The other male’s eyes widen, clearly not expecting that. Fujiko ducks his head with a nervous flush. "Sorry, sorry. I don’t have much of a filter."

"Pretty much the same as me then," Ryou laughs.

Before either of them can say anything else, the door to their room opens and a small woman in a peach yukata strolls in. She has dark red hair and purple eyes – what – that lock onto Fujiko’s almost instantly and she gasps, racing forward to wrap her arms around him.  
"Fuji-kun! Oh, you had us so worried! The nurses almost pulled the plug and-"

Fujiko sends Ryou a panicked glance, wondering who the flip this person crying on him is. Ryou snickers, mouthing ‘mother’. He mentally groans. What even is this freak show?

"There, there... auntie. I’m fine now,” he tries to comfort her.

Not mother. Never mother.

She seems to cry even louder at that, and he can make out something about being unable to face his parents between the hiccups.

Okay. I’m not Fujiko. But I kind of am. This is his body, hence the... odd colouring. This is his aunt. Seems very attached to him too. Maybe she’s his favourite aunt?

A normal person would be alarmed, but honestly he’s used to taking whatever life throws at him and pushing forward regardless. Suddenly can’t talk? No problem, learn sign language. Can’t cook? Date someone who can. Came down with a chronic illness that apparently runs in the family? Well, YOLO bitch.

It probably helps that he’s a firm believer in reincarnation.

And that he's a pro at compartmentalizing.

He inwardly groans, praying to whatever god listening in that he has no cousins. If they’re anything like this woman, someone’s going to die by the end of the day. And it won’t be him.

"Sorry," his aunt sniffs, stepping back, "I know you like you personal space. I was just-" she cuts herself off. "Let me go get a doctor so we can leave." She leaves, looking like it’s the last thing she wants to do.

He nods absently, eyeing Ryou. "So you thought my misery was funny, did you?"

"I have no idea what you’re talking about," is the Inuzuka’s reply, although the smug quirk of his lips says otherwise.

Fujiko closes his eyes, counting backwards from ten.

What the fuck was that canine? No, no, focus. You have to figure out where you are and who Fujiko is. You cannot kiss the stranger you just met. You. Can. Not.

He opens his eyes, face carefully blank. "I don’t have a lot of self-control either. The only thing stopping me from taking you in that bed is knowing that woman will be back any second from now."

He sees Ryou’s pupils dilate. "Without even buying me a drink first?" The older male snorts, even though he clearly wouldn’t give a shit.

"Oh, I’ll buy you a drink alright, someday."

"I’ll find you when I get out of here," the Inuzuka says, and it’s a promise.

Fujiko lifts a brow, smirking. "Alright then."

No normal person crashes into a new place and starts planning dates. In his defence, it’s for the sex. He’ll do anything – except marry you – for the sex. So if Ryou wants a drink, he’ll buy him the whole damn bar.

.

Apparently, his name is Ayasegawa Fujiko. He’s not an expert in Japanese but he’s pretty sure that’s a feminine name. 

On that note, he needs to look in the mirror as soon as possible. The walk from the hospital to the inn had been very uncomfortable. Between his aunt trying to fill him in on everything he’d missed in the past month, and the shy smiles and waves he received from males and females alike, he was about ready to crawl into a cave and hide.

The Ayasegawa clan is nomadic in nature. The cover story is that they deal in herbs. Really, it goes a lot deeper than that – and how was a clan so respected and wealthy by just selling herbs? - from medicines to salves, and poisons to hard drugs. About half of the family is deeply entrenched in the yakuza underworld as well.

Fujiko finds it... surprisingly badass. 

His aunt seems to remember that he apparently has amnesia, and starts to tell him about his family and such, for which he’s really thankful.

His immediate family, consisting three younger sisters, two younger brothers and a pair of twins as older siblings, are ridiculously good-looking, she crows proudly. Their parents must have been gorgeous. They all share green eyes - except the twins whose eyes are hazel - and white hair. It throws him more than he’d like to admit, because naturally white hair is a level of weird he’s been unwilling to touch. His cousins – auntie Nao’s kids – twin boys about his age and a girl slightly older, are of Uzumaki descent – and that’s just a dead giveaway of where he is, isn’t it? – although their hair is less red and more maroon. The eleven of them, plus a crotchety old man that’s apparently their grandfather, two more aunts, an uncle and seven cousins are the usual members of the party. Of course, whenever they stop at villages, more family members tend to tag along.

They’d arrived in Konoha in early September, the aim being to stay a month or two, at most. Something about expanding their network and taking the opportunity to visit their extended family – the Haruno. Honestly, Fujiko is just tired. Why is he related to two of the main characters? – because their relationship has been very strained over the years.

He’d apparently collapsed mid-meal and was taken to the hospital, and remained there for an entire month. Nobody really knew why, and they’d almost pulled the plug on him at least a dozen times but money. Money takes care of everything.

They were staying at the Lucky Dragon Inn, luxurious and tastefully furnished. Smack dab in the centre of the shinobi part of the village. Hell, the Yamanaka clan compound is a stone’s throw away.

This is probably where nobles and wealthy merchants are set up, the security must be impeccable.

Everyone had a private room, except his youngest siblings who had begged, screamed and demanded to stay together. His aunt finally stopped talking when they got to his door, after letting him know that he has about an hour to rest before his siblings come bursting in to see him.

Many, many things are going through his head. But he has three priorities.  
One, mirror. He finds one in the bathroom, and lets out a low whine at his reflection. Distinctly feminine, no wonder his name was Fujiko – not like there’s anything wrong with being feminine, of course – with full, pink lips and a dainty looking figure. His hair is thick and curly, falling down to his waist. As someone who’s secretly wanted long hair his entire life, he has no complaints.  
Except, of course, that he quite misses his – past? Former? Old? – features.

But anyway.

Damn, I would probably bang me.

Two, shower. He doesn’t bother turning on the water heater; cold water helps him go to sleep faster and that’s the goal. 

(Of course, he wouldn’t be a guy if he didn’t examine his... ehem... self. Satisfied, he idly wonders when he’ll see Ryou.)

Three, sleep. Sweet, blissful, dreamless sleep. 

“Nii-san’s been asleep for a while...”

“He’s not dead again, is he?”

A smack.

“He was never dead, stupid.” A regal sniff. “...right, Chika-nee?”

“Fuji-chan just... went away for a bit.”

“Well, you know what we have to do. Any volunteers?”

Tense silence. 

“Fine, you big babies, I’ll do it.”

And so, five seconds later, a tiny finger shoves into his left ear.

Fujiko jumps awake, screaming bloody murder. “Sweet mother of-“ He blinks at the crowd in his room, recognizing them from the descriptions as his siblings and auntie Nao’s kids. They’re perched all around his rather large bed, excited for some reason.

The youngest of the girls, hair in braided pigtails, smiles sweetly up at him and he narrows his eyes, knowing she’s definitely the perpetrator.

“Fujiko,” one calls. From the voice, he identifies her as the female twin.

“Yeah?”

“Auntie said you have amnesia.”

“I mean, I don’t exactly remember anything about you guys so...”

He looks away, not wanting to see any of their crestfallen expressions

She frowns, considering. “I’m Chika, this is Chiba,” she points to her twin who waves from where he’s dozing on her lap. Honestly, the only difference he can see between the two of them is that one has breasts and the other doesn’t – they even wear their hair the same way, in a style that reminds him of Kimimaro. 

“The one who woke you is Aki, she’s 7. The boys are Tsubaki and Tsubasa, 9 and 11 respectively.” The girl, he’s already familiar with and narrows his eyes at her cheery grin. It takes a minute to place the boys, but Tsubasa looks older and he has spiky hair – Hitsugaya Toshiro comes to mind. “Then there’s Manami and Kagami, 13 and 16,” Chika finishes and goddamnit why do they have to look so much alike? Either way, the former’s hair is in twin buns and the latter’s is straightened with green highlights so that’s enough for him. He can probably learn about them all at a later date.

But, since clearly none of them really understood what it meant to have just woken up from a month-long coma, they were most definitely not done and the Uzumaki side of the family decided it was their turn to speak up.

Sure, fry my brain, why don’t ya?

The girl – actually, young woman because she looked to be about the same age as Chika and Chiba, offered a bright grin. “Well, I’m Kagome – and don’t you forget it! – although how you managed to forget about the complete and utter awesomeness that is myself, I have no idea... and after all our adventures together too...” and suddenly she was brooding.

Fujiko stared, realizing that those funny Instagram posts about some family members being slightly insane were actually real. 

The second pair of twins chuckled and he found it ridiculously unfair how gorgeous his family members were, especially these guys with their adorable dimples and long lashes. Resolutely, he focused on a spot on the wall behind them because no, this is not a crappy porno about step siblings. 

Well, we aren’t exactly step siblings though...

He squashes the thought immediately.

“Ryo,” was all the first one said, proceeding to pick his nose with his middle finger while maintaining eye contact.

He made a vaguely distressed noise in the back of his throat.

Well Fujiko must’ve done something to piss this one off.

And then, he wants to just die because life is so cruel and now when he’s fucking Ryo, he’ll be thinking of Ryou.

Wait-

He snorts out a disbelieving laugh, conspicuously using his own middle finger to clean his ear. The rest of the family shows different levels of amusement, clearly used to this. Ryo makes a swiping motion across his neck and Fujiko just smiles at him.

The other twin seems to be holding back a laugh though. Even with his face half-hidden by a book – is that Icha Icha? What the fuck? – it’s kind of hard not to notice his shaking shoulders. Clearly something from the book and not them.

Kagome rolls her eyes in fond exasperation. “That’s Hyo, and he’s a bigger pervert than the two of us combined.”

He doesn’t doubt it.

Chika claps once, drawing all attention back to her. “We’ll probably have time to... jog your memories later. Right now, we have to get ready for dinner with the Haruno. Ideally, we’d give you more time to settle, Fuji, but we’ve postponed this meeting for a stupidly long time because of your coma an the old, withered elders are apparently getting more, well, old and wither-y,” she shrugged at that, ignoring their snickers. “Auntie Nao rented the entirety of Yakiniku Q for the next six or so hours, we could have a sleepover if we so wanted.”

The Uzumaki side brightens, looking for all the world like miniature stars. Chiba gives them a dry look. “We’re not supposed to empty the place, you three. Left alone, I’m sure you can finish everything there and still shake the building, looking for crumbs.” Then, he adds as an afterthought,” I’ll pay for dinner at Kiko’s restaurant when we get to Suna though.”

Fujiko leans back into his pillow, seconds away from shutting his eyes to save himself from sparkling Uzumaki joy. The three tackle Chiba in a hug, his sister vanishing at the last second, before reappearing closer to Fujiko, her placid smile saying she was happily leaving him to his fate.

That was... fast. Shinobi fast? Is she a kunoichi? Are the rest of them?

Is Fujiko?

He shakes his head slightly, before laying down and closing his eyes, ignoring the noisy trio that was undoubtedly his family.

They’re not so bad. Maybe I could even... grow to not hate them.

Of course, all such thoughts are banished when he’s kicked off the bed by a tiny foot. He squawks, glaring up at Tsubaki’s slightly feral grin, and Aki chooses that moment to crash onto his stomach, knocking the air out of him.

I changed my mind. Their days are numbered. 

.

It takes him little to no time to get ready, because while he doesn’t remember anything about Fujiko, he finds himself in the impressively textured kimono in minutes. It’s teal, with peacock feathers at the edges, reminding him of the peacock tattoo.

It must be muscle memory then.

Then, he winces.

That means he dresses like this often enough and it is heavy and uncomfortable and goddamnit, why is he sweaty?

He puts his hair up in a ballerina bun, partly because he has zero cares for masculinity, partly because he’s pretty sure nobody else will recognize the style for what it is, and partly because it’s comforting, remembering being the impromptu hair stylist for most of his dance partners.

There’s a small sigh, then. Look at him, thrown into a manga universe full of completely and utterly insane people and pushing forward, not giving nearly as many fucks as he’s supposed to. He’s pretending to be their brother, when he really isn’t. He wants to be though. Partners, colleagues and the occasional boyfriend or girlfriend aside, he’s always wanted a family and if that means he has to pretend to be someone else – become someone else because that’s what it is when you’re wearing someone’s skin, isn’t it? – then he’ll do it.

Forcing himself out of his dreary mood, he chuckles softly at the green eyeliner Kagome had left for him. He doesn’t care who he’s meeting, he’s never been one to conform to gender norms and if any stuffy elder complains, he’s going to stab them with a chopstick and proceed to make them orgasm in ways they didn’t know were possible. That’ll shut them up, alright.

Never let it be said that he was nice.

.

Apparently, the Haruno were not interested in mending bridges with them. Not really. No, they were just pissed because Sakura – the six year old bundle of sweetness that she was - wanted start at the academy without telling the clan. Her parents had tried to hide it for as long as possible, humouring her as best they could, but.

She was not supposed to be a kunoichi, period. Being heir to the clan and all – they dealt in textiles and fabrics, and seemed to have a few fingers in the pie that was yakuza as well. Not nearly as badass as the Ayasegawa though, and he’s surprised at the pride he feels at that – she was supposed to sit around, be a proper lady, get married eventually and lead the clan forward. So they’d called on her ‘honourable cousins’ to make her see reason.

It took every bit of self control Kagami had not to rip out someone’s spleen; he could tell. 

The Uzumaki half were completely unconcerned – which makes sense because they’re family but still not and wow this is freaking complicated – instead concentrating on scarfing down unholy amounts of food. Chika just sighed, looking like she knew this was going to happen from the start. She and Chiba continued talking with Sakura’s parents and the elders, waving the rest of them off to find the girl who’d run out, sobbing.

The fact that they’d just let her run out without so much as a glance in her direction would not make sense in his world. But here, she’s a citizen of Konoha. Nothing short of Danzo can get to her. 

The thought makes him wince, because he may not know her well but she’s family and she’s just so fucking cute and creepy old men should not be anywhere near children.

Coming back to the present, he realizes they’re all following behind Aki, who knows exactly where Sakura is, somehow, and his brothers are leading him by hand. Which also makes sense, he’s still a little out of it.

“Hi!” 

Fujiko flinches violently, all but throwing Tsubaki and Tsubasa behind him. He closes his eyes and counts to ten in his head, before opening them to see a sheepish looking teenager, a few inches shorter than him.

How old am I really? 19 now? 18? I’ll ask Chika. She’d know.

He had short, dark curly hair and dark eyes as well, ridiculously long lashes and skin almost as pale as an Ayasegawa. The teenager shifts slightly under his gaze, muttering an apology. He takes in the black shirt and pants, the weapons pouch and sandals, and then looks back at the face and wanted to crawl into a hole and die because-

Uchiha motherfucking Shisui.

Why the fuck.

He hasn’t even been awake for twenty four full hours and the universe is throwing the anime character he’d had the biggest hard-on for at him?

What even is my existence, he moans pitifully.

“...hello,” he offers, much calmer than he feels. Internally, he’s wondering how on earth one human can look so fucking beautiful and apparently all Uchiha are beautiful and holy fuck, if Shisui is here, in Konoha, then Itachi is too.

He forces that part of his brain to shut down, vaguely aware of his brothers glaring at the suddenly glum Shisui.

“I... um... I haven’t seen you around before? And I just... wanted to say you look really nice?” Shisui says with a somewhat wobbly smile. He was unsure. Or pretending to be. Ninja fakers. 

He thought back to his flinch, realizing that if he’s in the timeline he thinks he is, the Uchiha are unreasonably feared by the villagers.

He thinks I’m like them.

“Oh... thank you,” is his surprisingly smooth reply. He extends a hand, ignoring his sibling’s bewildered stares. “Ayasegawa Fujiko.”

The other teen blinks at the hand, distrust and wonder obvious. Then, he smiles and Fujiko’s world stutters to a halt.

Oh fuck.

Fuck me and my weakness for dimples.

“Shisui. Uchiha Shisui.”

He smiles back, before wincing at Tsubasa as he not-so-gently stomps on his foot. 

Geta sandals. Absolutely awful.

“Well, our cousin ran off and we’re kind of looking for her,” he says, looking to see that their sisters are much farther ahead. “I’ll... see you around? My family’s going to be in town for a while...”

Shisui blinks, slowly and Fujiko isn’t sure if he’s more surprised about them not asking for his ninja help or the fact that he actually wants to see him again.

“Uh... yeah.”

He feels a lot of his usual courage returning and gives a sly smirk as they start to walk away. “We’re staying at the Lucky Dragon.” Then he pauses, as though contemplating. “I don’t really like sweets but cake is fine.”

They leave the dumbstruck shinobi behind, his siblings snickering non-stop and him feeling rather giddy.

This should be fun.

.

Kagami has nothing to say to them when they finally arrive in the small park, but the glares she directs at them over the sleeping Haruno’s head are enough.

Apparently, leaving the girls to handle her was sexist. 

Fujiko blinks at the word, uncomprehending. 

That wasn’t... 

What.

Manami just giggles, taking his right hand this time as he carries a dozing Aki in his left. “She doesn’t mean any of it, Nii-chan. Hyo-nii says she’s a ‘tsundere’”.

He chokes on his laughter.

Eventually, they reach Yakinuku Q just as the older twins look positively done with the meeting.  
Chika’s glare alone could probably set someone on fire. 

The Uzumaki trio is passed out under a table a small distance away and Kagami takes a vicious pleasure in kicking their shins to wake them up (after dropping Sakura with her mother, of course).

It’s a somewhat short walk back to the inn. Fujiko belatedly realizes that Konoha is much more beautiful at night. The stars, the cool breeze, the quiet that hadn’t been there in the afternoon... yeah.

He doesn’t think much about anything when he gets to his room, Aki still with him. He shrugs off the kimono and sandals, hoping he’ll never have to wear them again, and then does the same for his sister, leaving both of them in much lighter kimonos.

The bed is big enough for the two of them, but he doesn’t protest when a small body pulls close to him just before he konks out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FEELS!  
> And explanations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mentioned attempted suicide, a little hysteria and angst, I guess?

The next morning, Fujiko rises, bleary eyed and not sure why he’s awake when the sun isn’t even up yet. Easily, he slips off the bed, starting on his stretches. It was a habit burned into him after twelve years of dancing. He started off easy, before proceeding to more complex ones – splits, handstands and the walkover had been unnecessary, but whatever – and then to the stretches meant to help him cool down. 

By the time he finishes, he’s more awake. At least enough to recognize that there’s a tiny creature in his bed. He blinked owlishly, staring down at her. 

Is she, like, some midget grandma? No kid has hair this white, not even an albino.

And then the memories hit him with enough force that he falls to the floor, gasping for breath.

The showcase. The hospital. Japanese. Ryou. Ayasegawa. Uzumaki. Haruno.  
Uchiha motherfucking Shisui.

He knows the signs of a panic attack intimately, and carefully slows his breathing, trying to latch onto something comforting.

( “Shit, Sophie, that was awesome. Who composed it?” He signs, brimming with delight and awe.

The brunette flushed slightly from her seat at the piano bench. “I did, actually.”

He gaped, before breaking into a wide grin. “I have the best best friend in the whole entire world!” he signed some more. “Would you send it to me later tonight? I know you’ve already recorded. It gave me an idea for a routine.”

So she played, the melody bouncing off the walls of the big house she’d been given and had no idea what to do with.

The song made him feel warm, made him think of contentment and peace and comfort and love. )

He hums the tune, rocking back and forth to some extent, feeling the anxiousness fade away bit by bit until it’s all gone and all he has left is bitter longing. For a life he no longer has. For the chance he never got to say goodbye. For his home, that came in the form of Sophie.

 _Sophie_ , his heart clenches. His anchor and rock, his sister and friend. They kept each other strong, and mostly out of trouble. And now...

Now she’s alone in the world, again. Because his stubborn self had ignored her pleading to just let it go. He didn’t have to go to the showcase. He hadn’t gotten any better since he’d come back from the hospital. But he’d insisted. Trying to prove... something.

Yes, trying to prove himself to the one person he had no reason to.

And now he’s here, in this person’s body, and he can’t even remember his own fucking name.

_I never even got to say I’m sorry._

He’s not sure how long he lays there, crying softly as he dares. Distantly, he knows he should get up. Keep moving. What’s done is done, after all. 

_Just a little more..._

Because he knows after now, no matter how hard he tries, he won’t be able to shed another tear for Sophie. It’s just how his body works and it hurts, that he won’t be able to grieve her and wonders if she’s grieving now too.

_Just a little more._

######  Wisteria 

He wakes up again to a finger in his ear and will deny to his dying day how he squeaked.

Aki’s staring down at him with a shit eating grin. “Morning, Fuji-nee! Let’s go get breakfast!”

He knows she can see the tear tracks and the snot, it’s plain as day, but for whatever reason she doesn’t bring it up. He’s immensely grateful.

Even as he throws her over his shoulder and she squeaks at him between peals of laughter to “put me down this instant, Fuji-nee!” because that’s what older brothers do, right?

And-

“What the fuck did you call me, brat?”

She giggles.

Fujiko carefully doesn’t think about his earlier breakdown as he exits his bedroom and goes to knock on the door right next to his. 

One of the Uzumaki rooms, if I’m not mistaken.

Ryo opens the door, eyes heavy lidded and wearing just boxers. He blinks. Once. Twice. Probably notices the tear tracks and the blank stare. Then looks at the squirming 7 year old.

“...yes?”

Fujiko very carefully focuses his attention on the fluffy slippers his cousin was wearing. Definitely not the bedhead or unbelievably sexy I-just-woke-up voice, not the way his boxers hang low on his hips and definitely not the glaringly obvious erection he sported.

_Oh fuck my motherfucking life._

“Which of the rooms is hers?” he asks quietly, observing the tiny ant skirting around Ryo’s slipper.

His cousin gives him a look. “You’re carrying her over your shoulder, you’d think it would be easier to ask her,” he says, dry as dust.

Crap. He hadn’t been thinking. He just needed to push the grief away somehow and leaving the room had helped quite a bit.

“Ah... well that’s true...”

Aki chooses that moment to jab a finger in his side, using his momentary distraction to flip down and practically skip to the last room at the end of the hall. Nine knocks in the most confusing pattern Fujiko’s ever heard later, and she’s yanked in, still giggling madly.

“Well, that’s done. You coming in?”

His head snaps up as he weighs his options. Back to his room, or into this one with someone he’s pretty sure is about to jack off. On one hand, grief. On the other hand, the temptation to... assist.

Eventually, his half-hard self decides for him. “I’ll just... go back.”

Ryo snorts, clearly amused. “Sure.”

Fujiko spun on his heel to escape-

“We’re not that closely related, you know-“

And almost tripped into his door.

“- sex usually helps distract you from the grief.”

He turns around, wide eyed. 

_Grief? What? Does that mean...?_

His cousin has apparently held off his activities for long enough and shuts the door in his face.

 _He knows_ , is his first coherent thought. _How? From experience maybe? What does that mean, then? That there are more people popping into this world?_

Thankfully, thinking about it was a good enough distraction for the rest of his morning.

###### Wisteria

After a shower and a hearty breakfast, the elder Ayasegawa twins inform them that they’re on their own for the day. They have some business in the shadier parts of town.

Fuji thinks they’re about to go bust some heads, what with their Mr and Mrs Smith type getup. He kind of wants to go with them. 

Of course, that’s when Chika turns to face him and says,  
“Auntie Nao is taking the brats to the park, and your clique is going to one of the hot springs, what do you want to do?”

His clique being Ryo, Hyo, Kagome and Kagami.

 _I’m clearly the odd one out_ , he thinks dryly. _But honestly, if I’m left alone in this place, I’ll probably get arrested for trying to sneak into ROOT headquarters or something stupid like that._

He shrugs. “Hot springs sound good.”

“You sure you can handle seeing Ryo naked?” Chiba teases, fist bumping with his twin. Chika’s expression is carefully blank but there’s mirth dancing in her eyes, clear as day.

He sniffs imperiously, well aware that he’s flushed all the way to his ears . “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

_Fuck them and their stupid laughs. Shit- there’s something in Ryo’s gaze- Wait, no. No._

“Don’t worry, squirt. We’ll give you two privacy,” Kagome smirks.

He groans this time, for a full ten seconds, burying his face in his hands. _What even is my life? What kind of relationship did he have with-_

_Oh no. Was Ryo his boyfriend or something? Was that why... this morning..._

_No, he mentioned grief. He knows something._

_But they were probably close._

“You should, unless you want it to turn into an orgy,” he mutters finally.

Ryo chokes on his tea.

This time, he’s the one snickering at their red faces.

“I might just take you up on that,” Hyo muses, already rising to shower and get dressed. 

“Of course he’d want a crack at you now you’re back,” his twin mutters, rolling his eyes. He seems genuinely... not happy.

Chika and Chiba choose that moment to slink away and K-girls – yes, that’s what he’s calling Kagome and Kagami - practically vanish, leaving them alone.

_I’m almost one hundred percent sure that was intentional._

“Hey, Ryo?” the other male hums noncommittally. “Were we... together, you and me?”

He stills, expression flitting from surprise to pain to panic, before settling in mild discomfort.

_Strange..._

“Don’t say it like that,” he huffs.

“Like what?” Fuji tilts his head in askance.

“Damn it, I’m not qualified for this shit...” the Uzumaki says under his breath, before taking a deep breath and seemingly steeling himself. “What is your name?”

“I don’t- What kind of question is- My name is Fujiko...?” he winces as it comes out as a question.  
Ryo doesn’t so much as blink. He repeats the question.

“My name is Fujiko,” he says with more confidence than he really feels.

With a flat look, the other male leans back. “My mistake then. I should be asking, what was your name?”

_He knows. He really knows. That explains this morning. But how? Shit, he and Fujiko must have been together, that way he’d notice me being different. What do I do? What do I –_

“ _Can you chill the hell out?_ ” Ryo asks with a roll of his eyes and a slight, fond twitch of his lips.

Fujiko feels his world ground to a halt. _English_ , he thinks, bewildered. _He just spoke English! Accented, but still!_

“I don’t... I don’t remember my name,” he finally says after a silence that stretched much too long.

Ryo frowns thoughtfully. “Uncommon, but not unheard of. It’ll come back eventually. You remember everything else?” At the younger’s shaky nod, the tension seems to bleed from his shoulders. “You should be fine then.”

Palms slam onto the table, and his head jerks up, worried purple meeting frenzied green. “You’re calm- too calm- and you know. What is it? Is this a dream? Am I in a coma? Is there a way back? Are there-“ he cuts himself off, a broken look in his eyes, and continues in a voice so low it might have been a whisper. “Are there others like me?”

Ryo sucks in air through his teeth. He is not qualified for this, at all. His mom will probably skin him, if Chika and Kagome don’t do it first. He can almost see Hyo and Chiba fist-bumping in the background while he runs for his life.

“I can’t-“ he sighs. “We were supposed to let you acclimate – a week or two is usually best – before we told you. It’s... I’m really not qualified to tell you about this, koi-“ he winces at the almost use of the pet name, but Fujiko either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. “I can say this, though. It’s an Ayasegawa thing. Every single one of them – of you, now – isn’t... from here. Your twins will explain better later... after they finish chewing me out.”

Fujiko sinks back into his seat, tempted to use the pillow thing as an actual pillow and probably curl up and cry.

But no. He’s cried enough earlier. He refuses to continue.

Plus, he’s not sure the eyeliner is water proof and he’s not ready to find out.

So what if there might be another Parisian among his new family members?

-Dang it, the tears are already here.

###### Wisteria

Fujiko spends the rest of the day holed up in his room, alternating between angry, terrified, upset and painfully hopeful. He knows when the other Uzumaki show up. They’re yelling at Ryo and he can feel himself flinching at some of the words thrown.

“-knew you were selfish but this is low even for-“

“-couldn’t wait to have him in your bed again, right? What did it matter if you hurt him just so you could fuck, right?”

Ryo doesn’t say anything back. He knows he’s there, can just... feel him.

_Chakra sensing?_

He didn’t think the other male as one to just stand there and take it, almost feeling bad for him.

_Why wait a week to tell me? It would hurt even more by then. It’s not- I don’t understand. And they’re getting mad at him for telling me the truth. I was the one who asked... Damn it._

Fuji keeps listening, ignoring their knocks. The only people he wanted to see were his twins. He makes a mental note to get Ryo a present or something later, when he hears them give up and leave, continuing to yell at their brother.

_If his siblings are like that, what are mine going to do? Fuck. I owe him big time._

He honestly doesn’t know how much time passes, having closed the curtains after a trip to the bathroom. He sees the brats’ feet underneath his door and Aki is the one who knocks. He ignores them, staring at the ceiling.

_Aki always takes one for the team when it comes to me. Is it because she’s adorable, or because Fuji – I? – had – have – a soft spot for her?_

Eventually, they leave, auntie Nao sending them off to their rooms so she can have a ‘talk’ with her son.

He shivers.

Hours later, he feels Chika glide down the hall, her twin a little ways behind her.

_This is it._

They’ve barely knocked when he tells them to enter. They hesitate a moment – he can imagine they shared a look – before coming in.

“We brought dinner,” Chiba says with a shrug, making a beeline for the bed. “It’s always a good idea to have serious conversations over a meal, no?”

The tray is filled with pastries though, and he idly wonders if it’s a bribe. He blinks, and doesn’t touch it.

“You had business to attend to, how’d that go?”

Chika purses her lips, pushing her yukata down a bit to show a bright, angry scar on her collarbone. “Not very well, though I’m not sure what I expected. It’ll heal, don’t worry. I’ll put a tattoo over it as soon as it does.” She nudges her twin who, with a sigh, reveals the exact same scar. “We scar the same, which is often... problematic. But anyway, enough about us. You haven’t eaten since breakfast, and it’s past midnight.”

Fuji nearly flinches at her scolding, picking up a cherry tart immediately. Bribe or not, they were good.

He chews in silence for a bit, wondering how to bring up the elephant in the room until Chiba clears his throat.

“ _How are you?_ ” he asks. “ _Can you still speak English?_ ”

He swallows. “I... _um... yes, I can._ ”

" _Good_ ,” Chika breathes. “ _My name was Alice Walker. U.S Marine. Hopelessly single, with a cat I left to keep my mother company. Died in the second world war._ ”

Fuji stares. And stares. And keeps staring.

“ _Carlos, no last name. Simple foster kid in Mexico, got in trouble, was ‘saved’ at the last minute by The Mob, and consequently recruited. Died... I don’t know, 2007 or so_ ,” Chiba chimes in.

The staring is becoming awkward, and the tea is probably cold by the time Fuji speaks again.

“ _How... how did you end up here?_ ”

“Not even going to introduce yourself?” Chika tsk’d.

“ _I don’t remember my name_ ,” he looks down at his fingers clutching the comforter. “ _I was a professional dancer. A ballet prodigy, really. Gay French kid who lived with his rich best friend. I di..._ “ he feels his throat close up at the word, and rephrases instead. “ _It was December 24th, 2018_.”

“ _Really? I thought they predicted the world was ending in 2012?_ ” Chiba exclaims, incredulous.

_His mouth is full. How can you talk so clearly with your mouth full? Practise, I guess?_

Both his siblings give him a dry look.

“ _I guess we should start from the beginning, huh?_ ” At Fuji’s nod, Chika continues. “ _Ayasegawa are descended from the unholy fusion of a Nara and a Kaguya, and somehow, later on, we wound up with Yuki and Uzumaki on our family tree – I know you don’t know these clans but don’t worry, it’s all part of the explanation. With me so far?_ ”

Fujiko pinches himself, then deduces that no, he isn’t dreaming, and hesitantly nods.

“ _Good, great. I bring that up because a lot of us are reeaally big on inter – marrying. It’s easier to be with someone who understands you, you know?_

__

“Ayasegawa usually have their spiritual and physical energies skewed as fuck. Hence one reason why we have shinobi training, but very few of us are actually shinobi. The usual ratio is 15:85, basically meaning, strong bodies and weak spirits. Which brings me to reason two of why we aren’t shinobi, also how we got here.

__

If you’re here, it means you had a strong spirit and... well, sometimes a weak or strong body. It’s a toss-up. When you died, it coincided with the ‘death’ of an Ayasegawa – I use air quotes because you’re not really dead – and your spirit just... slipped in. Yes, I know how strange that sounds. Oro-jii tried tons of experiments but no other explanation was found.

__

These deaths happen anywhere between 10 and 18. We were pretty sure Fuji was just wasn’t leaving at this point – he would be 19 in June – but then the coma happened... Still with me?

__

He blinks, before taking a random teacup and throwing its contents down his throat. It was cold and bitter and just disgusting but nope, still not dreaming. And-

__

“Oro-jii?”

__

Chiba grins. “ _Yeah, he’s a scientist. Was one of our parents’ best friends._ ”

__

" _Friend?_ ” his sister asks with a lifted brow.

__

“ _Ah, right. Friend with benefits. That’s how we got his eyes, after all._ ”

__

“ _...right._ ” 

__

_Of course I get to the Narutoverse and Orochimaru is my third parent. What even is my life?_

__

“ _Fact is, there’s a chance when your spirit dies, whoever comes to... inhabit it won’t want to be a shinobi. It’d be really weird to explain why you fell into a coma, woke up and decided to be a ramen chef, yeah?_

____

____

_Reason three is simple; we’re nomads. For most of us, having weak bodies Before – well, most of us, we don’t count - means that now we have strong ones, we have every intention to live life to the fullest. We take it as our second chance, and we’re not about to squander it being foot soldiers for some power – hungry bastard._ ”

__

__

Chika turns to her twin. “ _Did I miss anything?_ ”

__

“ _Hmm... warring clans era, and the clans in general. Let me do it, this is my favourite part_.”

__

She hums, deciding to use his thigh as a pillow and closes her eyes.

__

__I’m inhabiting someone else’s body.

Breathe. In, hold, out

.

_I’m dead._

In, hold, out.

_Orochimaru is my parent._

In, HOLD, oUt.

_Fujiko was probably Ryo’s boyfriend._

In, out.

_He had good taste, the guy is freaking hot._

A slightly hysterical laugh.

Chiba eyes him, switching back to Japanese. “You okay, buddy?”

“I’m good, I’m good, I’m great,” Fuji bobs his head, unseeing.

_I have ninja powers now?_

In, HoLd, OUT.

_Oh, I wonder if bending is possible in this universe._

In, out.

_Descended from Uzumaki and Yuki. If I don’t have water affinity, it will be a tragedy._

__

__

_Ouuu, that rhymed._

Another laugh.

“...maybe you should go to bed, Fuji. We’ll continue later today?”

He nods.

_Maybe when I wake up, this’ll all have been a dream._

He doesn’t notice them leave. He doesn’t see their worried looks. And he definitely doesn’t notice the tray of food going with them.

###### Wisteria

Chiba comes alone the next morning, with a bowl of ramen that’s most definitely not healthy for breakfast but smells so good he doesn’t give a damn. It’s practically inhaled in ten minutes.

Ten minutes his brother spends knitting. It’s... surprisingly calming.

“I’m... sorry about last night,” Fuji says quietly, not looking up from the empty bowl.

“Excuse me?” Chiba stops what he’s doing. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Hell, I disappeared for a week after they told me. Which... wasn’t the best idea, seeing as we were in Sunagakure at the time. Picture this; a thirty something year old man in a twelve year old’s body, lost in a city smack dab in the middle of the desert, during a war.”

He winces. “That must’ve sucked major balls.”

His brother laughs. “You have no idea. I was confused and scared. Call me whatever you’d like but the fact that I didn’t even have a gun at hand was what really set me off.” He smiles, and it’s somewhat self-depreciating. “You have every right to be panicked, we’d be more worried if you weren’t. Kagami was like that, and we found her trying to drown herself in a bathtub nearly a month later.”

“Fuck,” Fuji runs his fingers through his hair, mind racing. “I just- don’t be mad at Ryo. I was the one who asked.”

It’d been eating at him for hours.

“He should’ve found something to say,” Chiba scoffs, having absolutely no sympathy for his cousin.

“You mean he should’ve lied. And when you finally told me everything, it would feel like a betrayal,” he challenges with a raised eyebrow. He’s looking him in the eye now, noting he’s completely abandoned his knitting.

“It’s not... He could’ve done it right. Not lying, just... omitting the truth.”

Fujiko is not impressed. “So... we... or, he and Fuji... were together then?”

“Yeah,” Chiba looks to the side. “They were... getting married here, in October.”

His world screeches to a halt. 

“ _What?!_ ”

He winces, keeping his eyes trained on the floorboards.

_Oh my god. I just took a man’s husband from him and I’m in his body and why is nobody else alarmed by it?_

_How must it feel? Did they used to cuddle and sleep together? Have inside jokes? Fuck, they were going to get married. They were in_ love.

And now...

“They weren’t... it’s a rule. No romance. Flings, yeah. We don’t much care about traditional values and all such nonsense. But no romance. We’re going to... die anyway. But we didn’t think you were going, it’s happened once or twice in our history, so yeah, he got attached. And... yeah.”

Weren’t supposed to... get attached.

Fuji tumbles out of bed, scrambling into his slippers.

“Hey!”

He ignores it, tearing the door open to run where he can feel Ryo’s presence, still in his bedroom.

 _What the hell am I doing?_ He wonders when he reaches the door, panting for breath. Chiba’s standing in the doorway he just left, panicked and worried, and he determinedly doesn’t look at him. _What THE FUCK am I doing?_

Ryo opens the door and his breath catches in his throat. He’s dressed, this time, but his expression is as blank as can be. “Fuji?” He looks around, catches Chiba’s eye for a split second – and his eyes darken, just a bit – and then lifts an eyebrow at his state.

“I... fuck,” he tugs at a lock of hair and it hurts but he barely feels it. “I’m sorry. I don’t- I asked you to tell me and they- He’s gone. Did I- It must hurt to look at me, right? I just-“

He’s cut off when the older male pulls him into a hug, graciously ignoring the way a vicious sob wrenches itself out of his throat.

“You... yeah, it’s tough. To look at you. And not touch you. Fuck, he fit so well in my arms and that- It doesn’t matter anymore. You don’t owe me anything. Don’t even think about trying to continue where he left off – I know that look. It's the look he got when he was about to do something stupid.”

He laughs, and it’s not a happy one. Fuji laughs too.

_Of course my second life would be this full of drama._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need a beta. What the fuck- why is this html bs so hard?  
> Anyway, um  
> I feel like I should warn that most of my fics will be interlinked somehow.  
> Also, Shippuden is bullshit. You will see no Kaguya nonsense here.  
> And... comment, please?  
> We'll be seeing Ryo again very soon  
> ...and probably meeting Oro-jii.
> 
> Heads up, another fanfic coming your way! Titled Amejisuto 🤗


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should get a new chapter of Amejisuto by tomorrow, and Cat and Canary within the week.  
> How are you all?

His next morning starts slow and quiet and he’s awfully thankful for it. 

Of course, that might be because none of his siblings or cousins are around though – he can’t sense them anywhere – and surprisingly, he’s not worried. They’ll be fine, wherever they are.

He’s more worried about the fact that Fujiko seems to have packed just kimonos and yukatas – some so scandalously short that he has an inkling of what they’re for - and no casual clothes for this trip. Yeah, they’re pretty, but he would give anything for a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie right about now. And his Nikes. Definitely.

Grumbling all the while, he takes a nice, long, warm bath, ties his hair in a ponytail, applies green eyeliner and some lip balm and throws on an off-white kimono. 

Today’s mission is simple; get comfortable clothes.

Thankfully, there’s a bag of money somewhere in Fujiko’s box of belongings and he’s not going to pretend he understands how this currency works but he doesn’t really give a damn at the moment.

He’s pretty sure at least one of his family members is a sensor and will be able to find him, but he leaves a note just in case.

All of his plans fly out the window when he sees Inuzuka Ryou lounging in the lobby with a giant, black Tibetan Mastiff. The receptionist – a tall, innocently attractive make with a mole below his mouth and curly brown hair - is glaring balefully at man and dog – and they’re ignoring him, admirably – and almost cries in joy when he sees Fuji.

“You have a visitor. I was just about to send someone up to get you.”

Fuji nods absently, taking in the other man’s smug smile. 

“Told you I’d find you,” Ryou huffs.

“That you did,” he says without hesitation, before his eyes drift to the large canine napping on the floor. “Your partner is third wheeling though.”

He laughs, leaning down to pat the dog’s head. He/she seems to huff, before scampering off wherever – but not before locking Fuji in place with a hard stare.

“Uh... do I take that as approval?” Fujiko finds himself asking.

Ryou just shrugs, standing up to his full height -which is about four or five inches taller than the white haired male – and carefully taking one of his hands. “Shall we?”

Fuji restrains a shiver at Ryou’s hungry gaze, keeping his eyes elsewhere as he takes the man back to his room.

He’s barely closed the door when he’s pinned to it, muscled, tan arms bracketing him in place.

Fuji lets out a shuddering breath, placing a finger on Ryou’s lips and then has to lock his knees so he doesn’t slip as a tongue flicks out to lick it.

“Wait,” he grits out. “We need to talk about this. Boundaries and safe words and all that fun stuff.”

Ryou huffs out a laugh. “Fine, fine. I’m clean, I come bearing condoms and lube, and I don’t like my hair pulled. Played with, but never pulled. Happy?”

“Safe word,” Fuji prods, his hand moving to the other male’s nape and cracking a smile at the delighted hum it gets him.

“Ah... I don’t know. We can use colours? Green, yellow, red?” His breath hitches, feeling Fuji massage the area.

Fuji hums. “I’m clean too. Good thing you brought those because I definitely didn’t expect to see you so soon. I’m fine with most things. Um... no marks above the collar, I guess. Top or bottom?”

“Either, I don’t c- oh”

The white haired male lifts an eyebrow, letting his finger graze the nipple again. Ryou shivers. 

“Sensitive here,” he notes with a smirk. “Same, though I’m especially gifted at topping from the bottom.”

Ryou groans as he pinches the nipple. “Yeah, yeah, if I don’t kiss you right the fuck now, we will have problems.”

Fuji laughs, tilting his head up. Ryou doesn’t need anything else, swooping down for a kiss. It’s awkward at first, them still getting used to each other. Then the Inuzuka bites down – purely by accident – on his bottom lip and he’s gasping, one hand in dark hair and the other shamelessly groping his ass. It’s enough of an invitation for him to push his tongue in, moving like he’s about to devour Fuji.

When they pull apart to breath, with swollen and -in Fuji’s case – slightly bleeding lips, there’s nothing to be heard but their laboured breathing.

Ryou opens his mouth to say something, but is silenced by Fuji’s lips on his.

“Don’t say sorry. Fuck, that was hot,” Fuji pants as he pulls away.

“Oh,” is all he says. Then he’s moved to pressing kisses from his ear to his jaw, to his neck and his collarbones, relishing the small moans the younger man makes. He’s hard, has been from the moment Fuji opened his pretty little mouth and it’s clear he is too. 

Smiling wickedly, presses his hips into Fuji’s, rolling so the other man can feel exactly how hard he is. The bitten off cry he gets for his efforts only serves to encourage him. “Come on now, pretty, make as much noise as you want.”

The low whine that escapes is very interesting. “You like that, gorgeous?”

Another whine.

Oh, this is precious.

“Take these off,” Ryou whines, tugging at the obi holding Fuji’s kimono in place.

“Take them off yourself,” Fuji snarks.

With a grunt, Ryou does exactly that, slipping the kimono off his shoulders to pool at his feet. His breath hitches at the sight of pale, smooth, unblemished skin and the ridiculously obvious tent in his boxers. He takes a few steps back to appreciate the sight.

Fuji tugs off his hair tie, running his hands through his hair just so he has something to do with his hands.

“You’re fucking beautiful,” Ryou breathes.

Fuji whines, burying his face in his hands. “Just get naked, you tease.”

Ryou chuckles, kicking off his sandals. 

.

 _I missed this afterglow bs so much_ , is Fuji’s first coherent thought when they separate. They’re laying side by side, shoulders pressed together but otherwise not touching. The other male looks completely wrecked, eyes closed as he catches his breath.

It’s probably not the smartest thing he’s ever done, fucking a stranger mere hours after an existential crises, but it was damn good.

“That,” Ryou pants, “was the best one night-“ he peels one eye open to look at the window. “Okay, best one day stand ever.”

Fuji laughs. “Does it have to just be one day though?”

“...what.”

_Why does he sound so shocked?_

“I’m almost physically incapable of catching feelings, so you don’t need to worry about that. Just the sex, whenever it’s convenient.”

There was apparently a term for it? Greysexual, or was it demisexual? He doesn’t know and doesn’t really care.

“...I’m surprised.”

_No shit._

“ _I’m_ surprised you didn’t try to go easy on me, being a poor, fragile civillian.”

It had been severely glossed over in the anime, but it was still there – shinobi and civilians didn’t mix well. Saying they coexisted within the village was seriously pushing it. 

Hell, it was clear as day with Naruto’s ceaseless whining about how boring and weak civilians were after every D rank. The freaking protagonist!

The only ones he respected even a tiny bit were Teuchi and Ayame.

Then again, if anybody had a right to despise the lot, it was definitely him, what with the way he grew up and all.

“Psh, like you’re a full civvy.”

_What’s that supposed to mean? Does he think I’m some spy? Nah. A spy going through the trouble of faking a coma for an entire month? That’s extreme even for the likes of them._

“And I meant civilians and shinobi don’t fuck often.”

_Oh. Well, duh._

“Because you have endless stamina and can fuck for hours on end?” I teased, side eyeing him.

“You have no leg to stand on there. You fucking drained me.” Ryou nudged my shoulder.

“Did I now?”

“You pretty little shit.”

 _Damn him_ , the white haired male screws his eyes shut as a flush that clearly isn’t from exertion rises on his cheekbones.

“I hate you,” he hisses.

“Oh, is that why you’re blushing? I could’ve sworn it was because you had some sort of praise kink,” Ryou laughs, clearly much too amused.

“You were saying something,” Fuji prods, resolutely keeping his eyes closed.

“Heh. I was saying it messes with civilians reputations, fucking with their bogeymen”.

_That made sense. Seeing people casually fling knives, breathe fire and jump over buildings would be enough to chase any sane person away, first and foremost. Sex before marriage is also some kind of taboo here, and then marrying a murderer?_

_Heh. Say goodbye to your good standing._

_Except..._

“... I’m sure you realize I’m gay.”

Because, really, he’d be shunned straight away for it, whether he slept with civilians or shinobi.  
He’s used to homophobia by now, even though it isn’t something anybody should ever have to get used to, so he’ll take it in stride whenever it comes up. And it will come up, one of these days.

“...you have a point.”

“And anyway, my clan doesn’t care much for those kinds of things.”

At least, he’s pretty sure they don’t, what with the skills he’s sure his eldest siblings possess. He hasn’t gotten the full explanation thing yet.

It feels weird, saying ‘my’ clan. But it also feels right somehow.

“Clan? You don’t look like- oh, you’re not from around here, are you?”

_Bingo._

“Nope. We’re only here until like December too, which is why you should really take me up on my offer.”

“Hold on... two red dots and you’d look like a... holy shit, are you a Kaguya? You’re from Kiri?”

Technically, Fuji isn’t sure he’s from any place in particular. They’re apparently nomads that travel from place to place, never settling.

 _I probably should’ve saved my hysterics until after Chiba finished explaining. Dang it._  
“We have Kaguya in our family tree, yes, but I’m not. And I’m from... around.”

Sure, _around_ , because that doesn’t sound sketchy at all.

“Around, huh? So, what clan?”

“Ayasegawa.”

“What the fuck. You’re a _myth_.” Ryou sits up now, peering down at him with a disbelieving stare.

“I’m what?”

“...this is not a conversation to have while we’re naked.”

_Uh... what?_

“...Noted. Shower?”

“ _Just_ a shower, Fujiko. Nothing more.”

 _Ha! You wish_.

“So you won’t let me blow you?” Fuji blinks up at him, faux demure.

“...damn you and your pretty eyes.”

“That’s what I thought.”

.

Ryou leaves after the shower - _retreats_ , Fuji will insist – through the window in typical shinobi fashion, with a promise to catch him in about a week for those drinks.

Taking your civvy fuckbuddy you only recently met to drinks with your friends sounds absolutely ludicrous, but something tells him that’s exactly how Inuzuka roll.

Wrapped in a bathrobe with his still wet hair soaking the bed though, all he can think about is the fact that he’s apparently a myth.

“This entire clan is a fucking cheat,” he throws an arm over his face and groans into it. “Fortune tellers, shape shifters and motherfucking mind readers? Fucking god, Kishimoto, if you ever accidentally created this clan, what the FUCK?”

At least they don’t have any ocular jutsu. That would’ve been the last straw.

He’s a little curious though, as he moves his hand slightly to look at the peacock tattoo. “Maybe that’s what I can shift into? Or does it mean I have a peacock contract? Is there a peacock contract? What would peacocks do anyway, blind enemies with their dazzling beauty?”

He stifles a laugh at that. _Now there’s a thought_.

It’s about noon now, and none of his family members are back. He doesn’t let himself worry. They’ll be fine. They have to.

“Still bright enough outside to go shopping,” he hums, before nodding.

Mind made up, he throws on a peach pink yukata and applies green eyeliner yet again, picking up his bag of coins and strolling out the door. He studiously ignores the narrow look the receptionist gives him, as if expecting the Inuzuka to pop up beside him.

_He lives in a shinobi village, he should know better._

The streets are as busy as they were two days ago, but there’s something calming about it.  
Maybe the fact that schools haven’t let out yet, or maybe the fact that he can’t hear frustrated honking and angry French slurs being thing thrown.

The only weird thing is how he randomly feels a ‘ping!’ in his mind whenever he brushes a little too close to someone. Fujiko’s body might be used to feeling chakra all around him, but his new soul - _and holy fuck, is that hard to say_ \- definitely isn’t.

He also really wants to pull out his smartphone and headphones and blast Bazzi on repeat, but. Well.

Konoha is like Kyoto, in a sense, with tradition and what little technology they had meshing together easily. The Yamanaka flower shop, for one, is a two story building, with the top floor all cement and brick, and the bottom floor sporting a grass... something that looked like a roof, paper lanterns swaying from it.

Fuji drifts there on a whim, and is in the door before he can stop himself. The bell’s chimed and hauntingly beautiful blue eyes are already trained on him so he might as well get on with it.

“Good afternoon,” he offers, hesitant, nervous. He can feel this man’s chakra, there’s no doubt about him being a shinobi. And weren’t Yamanaka some sort of interrogators? One wrong move and he’s screwed. And not in the good way.

The man smiles back, polite. “An Ayasegawa? You lot don’t like us very much. To what do I owe this honour?”

Fuji’s brain stalls. “Uh...” he spies something out of the corner of his eye. “Black roses. A crown of black roses.”

The still unnamed Yamanaka lifts a brow in question.

 _Don’t ask me, I don’t know either,_ Fuji wants to snap, but he doesn’t.

 _...Sarah used to have one. A crown of artificial black roses. She wore it almost all the time_.

“Do you... have one on hand? Or do I pay and collect it some other day?” he asks, knowing the other male has picked up on his now sombre mood and not really caring.

“Ten thousand Yen, and it’ll be ready by tomorrow,” is the Yamanaka’s response.

A minute later, money has changed hands and he’s about ready to go clothes shopping.

“Thank you, Yamanaka-san.”

“Ayasegawa-san?,” the shopkeeper calls just as he’s about to open the door. He stills, turning slightly. “My name is Yamanaka Iniochi.”

_Well damn. Of course it’s the clan he- wait, why didn’t he say he was the clan head? If I don’t live around here, I shouldn’t know that, right? But if my clan really has a beef with his, then we’d keep tabs on eachother, so I would probably knoww of him, if only by name. What the fuck is he getting at?_

Fuji gives him a shallow bow. “Ayasegawa Fujiko,” he returns, before leaving only a little too quickly.

_That wasn’t even a ten minute conversation and I almost lost my mind. Ninjas are assholes._

.

Four large hoodies, two sweatpants and a T shirt with a winged ramen bowl later, Fuji feels lighter already.

Shopping is therapeutic and he will fight anyone who disagrees.

The store is called Limelight and looks like a small, traditional souvenir shop on the outside. You’ll be deceived until you walk in and see endless rows of stuff.

There’s even an entire aisle for fishnet clothing accessories and he is all for it.

Humming some old Micheal Jackson song, he strolls along the literature line with his bag of items in one hand and his coin purse at the bottom of said bag. The books are mainly romance and erotica, but there are a few poetry and adventure books thrown in for variety.

He ends up with two poetry books, four adventure books and seven erotica ones – four of them are of straight couples but he’s not complaining, the storylines seem nice. He continues onto the next aisle... and almost trips on air.

Sex toys. Everywhere.

“Holy shit,” he breathes. “Y’all have vibrators but no digital cameras? What the hell?”

He does remember a few people having televisions and DVDs, but that’s about it.

Long story short, he leaves with a purple vibrator, some anal beads, strawberry scented condoms – “But you don’t have smartphones?!” – and a bottle of lube that’s probably too big but whatever.

He picks up a Japanese umbrella, some nice looking glasses that he really doesn’t need and two magazines – one about the very, very small pop culture scene, and the other about sex. He’s not even going to kid himself, he knows he’s an impulsive buyer.

_This is why Sarah never let me go shopping._

The cashier rings up his order without a single glance up. Working at a store that sells these things, you’d probably get used to people buying them anyway. Her name tag says Touka so he makes sure to say her name when he thanks her. 

Touka smiles at him, before lifting her left hand to show him a ring.

He cackles.

And runs into a frantic Kagami.

“Oh, Fuji, hey, hi. Wha’cha doing out?” she asks, twitching with clear nervousness.

Fuji lifts a brow. “Where have you guys been all morning? And... what’s wrong?”

She seems to physically deflate, squaring her shoulders and finally looking him in the eye. “Long story short? Aki’s missing.”

A beat.

“ _What?!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... have no words.  
> So. Much. Unnecessary worldbuilding. And headcanons. Why do I do this to myself?


	4. Chapter 4

“What the hell do you mean she’s missing? How does that even happen??”

They’re basically in the middle of the street, drawing curious and disapproving eyes, but he couldn’t care less if he wanted to. Some deep, primal part of him wants his sister back and wants her back right the fuck now. He doesn’t understand it and he doesn’t _want to_ , he just-

Kagami drags him into an alleyway, taking his shopping bag and making it disappear into her kimono sleeve. “Fujiko, you have to breathe. You can’t access your chakra yet but if your bones start moving, we are even more fucked than usual.”

Her voice pierces through the thick fog of panic clouding his brain. “My _what?_ ”

“We’re descended from Kaguya- fuck, tell me you know what that is!” 

_Oh. I forgot, but_ holy fuck _, I can push my bones out of my body. Actually that’s a pretty freakish thought. Not now._

“I.. I know.”

“How- oh. _Oh_. You’re one of the few.” Kagami practically sags in relief.

Fuji blanks. “The what now?”

“The few. The ones who know the future of this world. Mother was one, Tsubaki, Manami and Aki are too.”

_What. Okay. Okay, that actually makes sense. It isn’t too far fetched to think that some of my siblings were Naruto fans in their past lives. Sounds legit._

“...That’s a fancy way of saying we were weebs in our last lives,” he manages to get out.

“Whatever, the important thing is you’re calm now. Kaguya kinjutsu doesn’t require chakra to activate. Tsubasa already went feral today, we don’t have time to try and hide you.”

_Feral? No. Not now._

“...right, right. Now, Aki. Talk.”

“Councilman Danzo took her. We have... a bad history with Konoha as a whole and we weren’t supposed to come back here ever, but you and Ryo wanted to get married here so- anyway they took her this morning and we’ve been looking ever since. We’ve tried looking for other entrances. Tsubasa found one , he took care of the ROOT agents there but then it collapsed on itself.”

His mind works a mile a minute, trying to decipher- oh.

“A decoy,” he grimaces

“Exactly. The only other entrance is only accessible by ploughing straight throw the Hokage’s office, and it looks like that’s our only option, but Chiba, Chika and auntie Nao are thinking up a plan and when they do, our tattoos will flash.”

“So you’re saying the most likely scenario is us busting into the tower. Full of super powered ninja. And ANBU guards. And the freaking god of shinobi.”

He’s this close to hyperventilating at the sheer absurdity of the idea.

“You underestimate us. And technically, Aki can get out, and she will if we don’t get her by nightfall, but her way involves panic induced tornadoes which leads to property damage and death, and we don’t want her to kill anyone if she can help it. Not yet,” Kagami says dryly, like that entire statement made sense.

“...what.”

“Yes.”

“I... I think I have a better idea.”

It’s fucking insane but it just might work.

.

“Shisui is on a mission. What business do you have with him?”

The officer at the front desk sizes them up with his eyes, wearing an unimpressed Uchiha scowl. Fuji is pretty sure it’s the first time he’s seeing it in person, but he recognizes it all the same.

“Oh, it’s just-“ Fuji starts - because Kagami is too busy grilling him with her eyes to answer – freezing when he feels a sudden chill. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his sister’s fingers twitch in an abandoned movement.

Uchiha Itachi appears from Kami only knows where and is suddenly behind the siblings. 

“Ayasegawa-san,” he says, somehow managing to sound affable and deadly at the same time. “Shisui told me about your problem. Come this way please.”

_There’s no way he didn’t see Kagami’s hand. Hell, there’s no way every shinobi here didn’t see it. What’s he getting at?_

“ _What the fuck are you doing?_ ” Kagami whispers in furious English, as they begin to follow Itachi to wherever the hell he’s taking them. He can practically feel the atmosphere shift to something a lot more dangerous.

“ _I have no idea!_ ” He whispers back.

Itachi doesn’t say a word, even as he shuts the door behind them and takes a seat at the desk there. How the teenager manages to look imposing from behind a desk he’s much too small for, Fuji doesn’t know.

What he does know is that he’s not in the right frame of mind when he blurts out, “Your clan is planning a coup-“

Kagami falls off her chair, choking on her own spit.

The Uchiha heir’s eyes narrow nigh imperceptibly and he taps the desk once, letting out a small pulse of chakra. A silencing seal is activated.

_Nobody would hear us scream. Wait, no. Don’t think like that. He’s not that kind of person._

He would know since he religiously watched the anime and read the manga, right? Right.

Itachi’s posture seems to relax, but there’s underlying tension there as he says his next words in a purposefully blasé tone. “Oh? You don’t say.”

“We know. About the- we know about Danzo. And it’s clear to anyone who cares to look what’s been done to the Uchiha over the years, especially since the Kyuubi.”

Fujiko is about ready to jump in a well or something, because his damned mouth will not stop moving and the words keep escaping.

But there’s a flash of something that looks like exhaustion in the younger male’s eyes and his heart just... _aches_. 

_He’s just a kid. A kid who was never allowed to be one. From dropping him headfirst into a war to shoving him into the darkest part of the village, turning him into a murderer... and now this. He’s_ tired. _he must want it to just be over and done with, no matter how it happens._

“What about the councilman?” Itachi asks, colder now. Alert.

 _Oh. Oh. Oh, he can’t say his_ name. _Oh, this poor child._

He’s always tried his hardest to hide his soft spot for kids but this.... Well, at the very least, he doubts the teenager would take kindly to being called a kid when they’re not so far apart in age so he manages to keep his mouth shut. 

This time.

Kagami speaks up this time though, standing behind Fujiko’s chair with her hands working his shoulders. He lets out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. 

“He took our cousin Ran, last time we were here,” she starts and he can feel his thoughts physically stop. “She’s one of the few known to possess the Kaguya clan bloodline limit, and how it got out, we’re not sure. Uncle Jinta offered himself up for her, and blew up one of his bases in the fallout. I’d like to know how the Hokage swept something like that under the rug.”

Fujiko would also like to know. Desperately.

“In the early hours of this morning, he took our sister Aki. We have to get her out before she does it herself and wrecks half the village in the process.”

Itachi blinks once, clearly disturbed. “...I fail to see how that concerns me, or why you know about the coup.”

Fuji’s brow twitches in sync with Kagami’s, though neither of them know it.

“Call it a hunch,” the girl says, sugar sweet. From the way Itachi’s lips twitch, just barely, he’s probably wondering the nerve she must have to imply whatever it is she’s implying.

“Danzo is an asshole and I’m sure he’s given you two impossible conditions,” Fuji cuts in smoothly. He’s not sure he likes how the two of them are looking at each other. The heir lifts a brow at the curse word, but doesn’t object. “Why not make a third one?”

Because it makes no _sense_. The boy is a prodigy, a freaking genius. There’s no way he was told there were only two options and he didn’t think of any more.

He hums thoughtfully. “...and what would you suggest?”

“Leave.”

The heir pales slightly, lips flattening into a line.“Do you have any idea what you’re suggesting?”

Fuji probably doesn’t. Reading books about politics doesn’t compare to being born into the game. But he does know it’s a _much_ better option than the other two.

“Your clan is a pillar of this village and you’re being treated like mangy cats,” the white haired male says with a carefully blank tone. “Even if you don’t leave, providing solid facts and threatening secession should make them sit up and take notice.”

Itachi turns the idea around in his head, eyes shuttering for a moment. Fuji can practically see the thoughts floating around his head. Except... they’re in Kanji. 

It takes a minute to process that and then he sucks in a shocked breath, going rigid in his seat. Kagami taps the side of his neck twice, the action strangely calming. He focuses on the younger teenager’s fingers on the desk instead.

“What do you gain from this?” Itachi asks, finally.

Fuji winces, eyes still trained on his fingers. “Ah... well, we need a bit of help. Your dojutsu may help us locate another of the openings to the ROOT base, instead of blasting through the Hokage’s office.”

Itachi doesn’t stifle his snort fast enough, and Fujiko has to crack a smile. At least someone else thought the plan was ludicrous.

“And, we might have a place your clan can go to, at least temporarily,” Kagami adds. The heir shifts his gaze to her immediately. “Otogakure.”

Both males find themselves sharing shocked glances, though for entirely different reasons. 

_Handing over an entire clan of Sharingan users to the mad scientist? Is she insane? But... they did say he was one of our parents... maybe he was crazy because he was single? I feel like I need to be given an entire textbook on this clan. Yeesh._

“The Sannin’s ever elusive village?” Itachi queries, sceptical. 

_Elusive? Does it disappear or something? ...Actually I wouldn’t be surprised. Anything can happen here._

“He’s... closely allied with us. We can get you into village easily,” his sister confirms.

“I... see,” is what the heir settles on. “I will... I’ll send a crow to you.”

“Thank you,” the siblings breathe, in clear relief.

Itachi’s lips twist. “Don’t thank me yet.”

.

The rest of the family – save for auntie Nao who, according to Kagami – is busy hustling the rest of the family out before shit hits the fan – is in one of the inn’s dining rooms, all seated at a long table piled with obscene amounts of pastries.

_Come to think of it, I’m freaking starving._

Chika sits at the head, with Chiba at her right side and Kagome at her left. Hyo is next to Chiba, Ryo to Kagome. Two empty seats are vacant, facing each other, and after those, Tsubaki sits – slouches, rather. He looks half asleep - opposite another empty seat, and Manami sits at the other end of the table.

“Fuji-“ Ryo calls, then freezes, sniffing the air. “You got laid.”

He trips on air and Kagami outright laughs, nudging him to sit next to Hyo while she takes her position beside his twin.

“I- what?” 

He did not squeak. He will defend that until his dying day.

“Tsubasa can smell it. He‘s in his room, must be why he left in a hurry -he caught a whiff of you,“ Ryo says with a shrug, surprisingly unbothered, considering.

Everyone else is snickering at his mortified expression and he will get them all back, one way or the other.

“...why though?” He asks, admittedly curious. Why would the scent of sex chase him away?

“Well, he’s feline, so you must have fucked an Inuzuka,” Chiba offers, nibbling thoughtfully on a cookie.

Fuji shoves the nearest thing in his mouth – which thankfully happens to be dango – as his face turns an even darker shade of red.

_Bad enough he can smell that I’ve had sex, he can smell who with too?_

“Anyway,” Kagami gracefully cuts in as his knight in shining armour, cutting straight to business. “Have we come up with anything?”

“We have an appointment with the Hokage in an hour or so. His assistant makes the best tea, you know,” Chika says with a what-can-you-do shrug, nursing a smoothie.

“...what.”

It’s Hyo who says it, staring Chika up and down like she’s been possessed and ignoring her twin’s warning glare. 

Fujiko, frankly, is glad he’s not the only surprised one. The head twins and Kagome seem to have been the only ones in the know, probably waiting until him and Kagami showed up to deliver the news.

“We are forty percent of the shadier parts of Konoha, and have enough presence to convince a huge chunk of merchants to stop doing business here. If Hiruzen lets Danzo get away with this _again_ , his village is fucked, and he knows it,” Chika continues.

Like that, it sounds nice. Reasonable, in fact.

But put in context... it sounds _crazy_. Surely they must know that?

Kagami is on her feet in seconds flat, pure rage in visible in her features. “So basically we’re going to play nice? Did you forget what happened last time? We almost fucking lost Ran, we’re not doing that again! _I’m_ not doing that again. How the fuck-“

“I lost a kid who was placed in my care and then had to exchange her for her father, don’t you dare run your damn mouth at me!” Chiba fires back, losing her carefully crafted composure instantly. Her smoothie glass is thrown somewhere Fuji doesn’t catch, eyes trained on the argument. “Aunt Haruki wouldn’t talk to me for months! I know I fucked up, I don’t need to be reminded!”

“And yet you made the same mistake twice,” hisses Kagami, coiled and ready to strike. He thinks he sees her eyes flash gold, but he can’t be sure.

Manami and Chiba are crouched, ready to do damage control.

Tsubaki is the only unaffected one, passed out on the table.

“I wasn’t about to make a protection seal that could potentially electrocute the staff! Why didn’t you go ahead and do it since you’re so smart?! Or better yet, why didn’t you have her with you and Manami?” 

“I think,” Chiba cuts in, smooth and with an undertone of superiority that just dares anyone to oppose him, “that’s enough mud slinging for now.” He comes up behind his twin, and she turns, practically melting into him with silent sobs.

Manami moves to Tsubasa’s vacated seat, easily catching their sister as she crumples in her lap.

“And uh, we may be getting some help,” Fuji says quietly because everyone is suddenly on edge and he’s getting goose bumps and he hates it.

_I guess... when families this close knit fight, the wounds cut deeper than you’d expect._

“Where from?” Ryo queries with a slight smile, encouraging him. 

“...the Uchiha.”

The entire room is looking at him now, possibly wondering what kind of expired weed he’s on.

“Uchiha Itachi, to be precise,” Kagami adds, muffled but audible with her face buried in Manami’s shoulder.

“How in the hell did you manage that?” Manami wonders, awed.

He doesn’t even really know.

“I may have suggested his clan leave to Otogakure, or at least threaten to...?” 

It comes out as a question and he doesn’t like it, so he shoves a waffle in his mouth.

“Sounds like a long shot, but if it’s as far gone as we think, he must be getting desperate. No thirteen year old should carry that kind of burden,” Hyo ventures thoughtfully.

“He’s no Nara, but he is brilliant. He must know it’s the best option,” Ryo agrees.

“If his clan mates agree to it, that is. Uchiha pride is volatile, they could easily take it as running away,” Kagome points out.

Unbidden, Fuji’s mind supplies an image of the entire blank-faced clan wearing rainbow outfits and makeup and carrying flags, marching around the village.

He chokes on his second waffle.

“Every strategic retreat is part of a strategic advance, though,” Chiba adds, worrying his bottom lip.

“Regardless, around half of the clan is likely to refuse. Likely the elders and the most devout believers in the coup. Mothers put their children first, always and Uchiha love is fierce. If he presents it soundly, it could go well,” Ryo finishes, shrugging.

“It’d better, because the Hokage is ready to see us now,” Chika speaks up with a sniff, working to reapply her unbothered facade. It takes another second before they all sense the pair of ANBU right outside the doors.

“Functional but eye catching, everyone,” Kagome says as she claps twice, eyes glinting like sharpened steel. “We’re shinobi trained and let it be known that we’re ready for war.”

.

It feels like those scenes in movies where the hero walks in slow motion out of the flames.

They’re all wearing red and black. Considering their colouring, that would be eye catching enough, but there’s also the eyeshadow. Some of them have it in silver and some in gold – Fuji’s is gold and he’s not sure what it means exactly – to go with the ridiculously elegant embroidery on their kimonos. 

Red long sleeved kimonos held by silky black obis, black cargo pants and surprisingly light boots, earrings shaped like fangs and hair in tight buns, held by senbon in an X shape are the order of the day and if he’s being honest, he likes it all way too much. Chiba and Chika lead the parade, with the rest of them paired up behind and the ANBU guards flanking.

Tsubasa is keeping his distance from Fujiko as discreetly as he can.

It’s definitely eye catching, alright. 

All activity seems to stop when they walk into the tower, shinobi immediately on alert and ready to attack.

Fuji very nearly goes, ‘Siri, play Cha Cha Slide.’

Huh. Maybe the adrenaline is getting to him.

He barely notices when they reach the Hokage’s office, saved by Ryo swiftly linking their arms to guide him.

The office is... blander than it looked in the anime. He finds his eyes wandering around the room, tracing the faces of Hiruzen’s predecessors and his now late successor.

 _That man was a fine piece of ass though_ , Fuji thinks appreciatively, eyeing Minato’s photograph. _How does anyone look at a boy that’s basically a tinier version of him and not know? Is there some sort of jutsu over him? Seems like a lot of work for a kid basically_ abandoned-

He feels intoxicated. And not in the good way.

“Good afternoon, Hokage-sama.”

It’s Chika who says it, bowing. Low enough to show deference, yet high enough to exude disdain and disrespect. The rest of the family follows suit.

Fuji thinks it’s a wonderful way to start the meeting.

“I must confess, I feel quite under dressed,” the Professor says with what appears to be some sort of grandfatherly smile. They all smile back, scarily in sync, except it’s more like baring their teeth. He doesn’t let his smile waver though, which is admirable. “Take your seats, please.”

They do so, Ryo holding onto Fuji the entire time. The seats are arranged in a semi circle, sort of, that way each one is in sight. 

_Smart_.

“Thank you for having us,” Chiba speaks when they’re all seated, smile sharp and tone bland. It’s intentionally off-putting.

The Hokage nods. “Our last meeting went sour very quickly, I do hope this one might be better.”

A wave of pure hatred invades the room for a split second, causing the ANBU to tense in preparation to defend their precious Shadow, before vanishing.

“One can only hope,” is Chika’s response.

“Tea?” Hiruzen asks, seemingly oblivious to the tension in his office.

“Yes, please,” Chiba’s smile is less cutting this time, but still threatening. “Three matcha, four jasmine, one passionfruit and four – three blackberry.”

Fuji winces at the slip, then nearly jumps when Ryo nudges him with his elbow.

‘A crow.’

He sees the word above his head, the way he had with Itachi and nearly seizes up. Ryo takes his hand, gently massaging Fuji’s wrist until he breathes out.

“I can’t help but notice the empty seat,” Hiruzen ventures after sending someone to fetch the tea.

“Your councilman took our sister, Hokage-sama. That’s why we’re here,” Chika replies smoothly.

“Oh, he did, did he? That’s a rather lofty accusation, Chika-san,” the Hokage hums, gaze sharpening.

_Bitch, how long have you been sucking Danzo’s dick?_

The thought supplies him with imagery he definitely does not need and he cringes, idly squeezing Ryo’s hand.

“Ayasegawa-san,” Chiba corrects. “And I don’t see how it is when he’s done this before. Seven years ago, if you can recall.”

 _Talmabout ‘if you can recall’. The shade,_ he mentally chortles.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, you forget yourself,” Hiruzen responds. A warning, if ever he’s heard one.

Fuji chokes on the wave of hatred this time, blurting, “Is there a restroom around?”

The kage turns his attention to him, eyeing Ryo’s hand and his with something Fuji couldn’t give less of a fuck about if he wanted.

“...yes, of course. Cat will show you the way.”

The ANBU guard seems to materialize out of nothing, but Fuji’s felt his presence from the start so he’s unruffled. He tugs on Ryo’s hand, silently asking if he was coming with. He’s rewarded with a cheeky smile as the other male rises to his feet in a second.

 _We must look like we’re going to fuck in the restroom_.

Kagami taps his arm as he passes, and Ryo pulls him along before he can lose his footing at the sudden pulse of chakra.

“Imagine sending an elite ANBU to watch someone pee,” is the first thing he says when he exits the office.

Ryo snorts. “He’s old, not stupid. He knows we came ready to deal some damage.” He observes Cat’s twitch with interest. “Besides, we’ve all had ANBU tailing us since we got here. Like _we’re_ the untrustworthy ones.”

“Oh.” Fuji frowns. “Well, let’s not keep Itachi waiti-“

An explosion rocks the tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I probably shouldn't have given them similar names.  
> Hello beautiful people  
> How are you?  
> I've missed your comments lmao, but I've been pretty down recently.   
> There's lots of good stuff coming your way though. 
> 
> Please please leave a comment. This chapter was Hell to write


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